An open apology of an introvert with blurred boundaries

Living a life out of alignment with your true nature, which Martha Beck, in The Way of Integrity, refers to as ‘the dark wood of error’, a metaphor borrowed from The Divine Comedy of Dante Alighieri, can cause relationships that are shallow, toxic, or both. They’re often rife with misunderstandings, hurt feelings and mutual exploitation. Eek! I don’t think anyone sets out to build relationships built on such shaky foundations. Stepping into the midlife journey with the intention to reset your life course inevitably involves looking at your relationships – what works and what doesn’t. As you do the internal re-setting you shift into closer alignment with your true nature. This is a good thing because it can lead to healthier relationships and establishing clearer boundaries. Below is a list of regrets that can emerge from this type of inner restoration.

• I’m sorry things got so far off-track between us because my boundary lines were blurry. I’m slowly realigning and shifting back in place.

• I’m sorry I got frustrated with you when I changed, and our differences became clearer. From now on I’ll show you better how to treat me.

• I’m sorry you continued to show up in the same way when I was no longer there. I’ll show up clearer now than ever before.

• I’m sorry I resented you when you asked for more than I could give. My Yes and No are stronger now.

• I’m sorry it took me so long to say your way won’t always work for me. We’re different and that’s okay.

• I’m sorry I didn’t say I don’t like phone calls because my words and thoughts get jumbled in live calls. I need more time to process and respond to give you the best response I can. That’s why I love texting, emails, and voice notes.

• I’m sorry I cut you off mid-speech. My thoughts go from zero to a hundred while you’re speaking, and I sometimes lose my train of thought and need to get it out before I lose track. I’ll work on being a better listener.

• I’m sorry you got offended when I didn’t want to meet your friends or go to noisy socials. I get overstimulated and drained among too many people and too much noise. It’s why I prefer one-to-ones in quiet settings when it’s just you and me but not much more than three.

• I’m sorry I can’t stand small talk and prefer deeper conversations. I thrive on meaningful connections. We are constantly evolving and growing and adding new insights from our life experiences and I relish conversations like these.

• I’m sorry I take so long to reach out. It wasn’t something you said or did. I relish solitude and easily get lost in my inner world. I can easily go weeks or months without social contact, but I can pick up right where we left off as if no time had passed.

• I’m sorry I didn’t claim more space and gave you too much room in what should always have been an equal relationship.

• I’m sorry I let you think you were always right when your opinions and views differed from mine. It’s okay to see the world in diverse ways. From now on let’s agree to disagree and I’ll let you be you and I’ll be more me.

• I’m sorry I hid parts of myself from you because it didn’t align with your values. It was always okay to be different. It’s what makes us so unique.

• I’m sorry I let you get away with thinking it was okay to trivialize my choices because you didn’t agree instead of respecting my ability to make informed decisions that don’t always align with what you think is best for me.

• I’m sorry I stayed quiet when things changed between us. I’m good at reading between the lines and know that people grow and change, but I could’ve started an open conversation instead of quietly drifting apart.

• I’m sorry I can’t go back to the way things were before. But if you choose to stay, things won’t be the old way because that didn’t fully honour you or me.

• I’m sorry it took me so long to say I’m not shy, or anti-social. I’m simply and proudly introverted!